Poor Vyasa Puja Offering
by Bhuvana Pavana devi-dasi
Dear, Sublime, Pure and Perfect Srila Prabhupada,
Your transcendental Vaishnava gift to the fallen souls of this planet is continuing in ways this fallen soul can not even comprehend. I may never ever serve Your Divine Grace in the correct way, I may never know fully the gift of pure devotional service which you generously offer to any and all souls who will forsake false ego and simply take full shelter of your lotus feet. But this I am vaguely aware of: Your Divine Grace somehow began picking up this lost, searching soul out of a painful existence 39 years ago when I first heard your teachings, first read a small book. Your Divine Grace lead me to Bhagavad-Gita As It Is, sent your disciples to feed me the Lord's Prasadam. Your Divine Grace gave me a place to stay, taught me to rise early, to glorify Sri Pancha-Tattva with Arotike, Japa, Tulasi Worship, Guru-puja, hearing Srimad-Bhagavatam, honoring Prasadam, Sankirtan, study of Shastra, preparing offerings, making ghee wicks, stringing garlands. But that must have been too pure and simple for this contaminated soul.
You asked me to follow the four regulative principles and to chant 16 rounds and three Gayatri Mantras a day, indeed I vowed to Your Lotus Feet that I would do so, but I am not doing so. Your Divine Grace asked me to not find fault, but I found fault. Still, not a day goes by when I do not remember Your Lotus Feet, when I do not try to engage in some tiny bit of service to the propagation of your Sankirtan Movement, in the midst of a life not unlike the one I would have continued had Your mercy not picked me up.
Srila Prabhupada, to say I am sorry for leaving your service sounds lame and shallow. To ask you to forgive me, when I am not willing to become the disciple I promised to be, seems equally so, and hypocritical and stupid as well! But this fallen soul lacks all shame, so I do ask Your Divine Grace to forgive all my terrible faults. Please see only that pure soul, part and parcel of Krsna, who will one day revive the constitutional Krsna Consciousness, only by Your causeless mercy.
This soul is forever in Your debt, lifetime after lifetime.
Your fallen disciple, mentally falling in tired prostration at Your lotus feet,
Bhuvana Pavani d.d.