by Vyasasan das
Dear Srila Prabhupada
Please accept my most humble obeisances, and kindly forgive my offences. On this most blessed event; Sri Vyasa-Puja, the appearance day of my beloved spiritual master, I am filled with a sense of gratitude and wonder. I cannot even imagine where my life would be today, if you had not appeared and blessed us all with your divine benediction.
The fact that you have always resided in my heart, and have been my most constant friend and ever well-wisher, even without your physical presence, proves our eternal relationship with you. So many friends and family have come and gone, but you Srila Prabhupada, have remained in my life as the one constant I could always turn to.
You are present in your vani; your books and instructions. You are present still in your pictures and murti’s. You live in the hearts of your sincere devotees. You have touched us all so deeply; we cannot help but remember you. Srila Prabhupada, I am most unworthy to have received your mercy, and because of knowing my insignificance, it has caused me to be even more grateful and appreciative of your blessings.
In the Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, there is one verse I would like to use to describe my mood and feelings.
Indeed, I am just like a dwarf who wants to capture the moon. Although I am completely unfit, a desire to receive Your mercy is awakening within my mind.
This is my position, I am completely unworthy, and most fallen, therefore by showing me your mercy, your mercy is most successful. For you are patita-pavana, the savior of the fallen souls, and who is more fallen than me? I have no good qualities; born of low birth, without good intelligence, without beauty, or wealth, I am a fallen soul, desiring only for your causeless mercy to be bestowed upon me.
In writing this homage, I am reminded of a dream I had recently. In my dream you were reclining on your right side, propped up on your elbow and I was kneeling down in front of you. I said “Srila Prabhupada, my Krsna Consciousness is still very child-like”. Your face lit up and your Lotus eyes became very large. “Oh!” You said. “My favorite picture of you is still the very first one I ever saw”, I replied. And I then began to cry. You leaned forward and very gravely but kindly said “Yes, it is alright to have love and affection
for your Spiritual Master”. I awoke from the dream and offered my obeisances thinking of your extraordinary magnanimity and kindness and your ability to ease our suffering and allow us to love you even more.
In writing this homage, I went through my library and found my very first Hare Krishna journal that I began as a young brahmacari. One of the very first entries I read when I opened it was:
“My Dear Lord, any person who is constantly awaiting Your causeless mercy to be bestowed upon him, and who goes on suffering the resultant actions of his past misdeeds, offering you respectful obeisances from the core of his heart, is surely eligible to become liberated, for it has become his rightful claim."
I don’t know why this particular verse was so important to me, so many years ago, or why it was one of the first entries in my journal. But it is still my child-like wish that your causeless mercy be bestowed upon me, as I continue to offer you my respectful obeisances from the core of my heart. You have stolen my heart, and I cannot help, but to love you.
In writing this homage, I also went to an offering that you wrote to your Spiritual Master; Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Goswami Thakur, entitled “Phalgun Krishna Panchami”. Your writing is so wonderfully profound, and brilliant. In the First Vasistya: line two, you wrote:
“On this auspicious day I have come with this offering just to worship you, remembering your lotus feet.”
Just from reading this one line, I understand the meaning of writing a Vyasa-Puja offering. Remembering you in love, is worshiping you.
Begging to remain forever in Your Divine Service